Uncomfortable Conversations – Talking to your Parents about Estate Planning

Even though it may sound a bit grim, but the eventual end of life is the only thing it guarantees. No living being can really escape it, we will all die someday. The fortunate ones out of us do it when they are old and gray. Some succumb to illnesses while the really lucky people slip away peacefully in their sleep.No matter how it happens, death is inevitable. But even if we accept this fact, it doesn’t really get easier to think and talk about it. It is especially more difficult when the conversation involves your aging parents.

Anticipating a parent’s death is something no child would really want to indulge in. This is one reason why people avoid discussing estate planning in Manhattan with their parents. But the eventual loss of a parent is not the only barrier to this conversation.

Bringing up estate planning to your parents can seem kind of taboo. The discomfort around the subject stems from the nervousness of coming across as nosy or greedy. It’s understandable, why would a child want their parents to think they are after their money?

Even when some children do talk about it, there have been instances where misunderstanding happened. Opposing opinions and reluctant nature of parents may end up blowing up the conversation out on uncomfortable tangents.

It’s worth the apparent discomfort though…

Yes, this is one thing estate planning lawyers in Manhattan will say with complete confidence. Having the conversation right now is only for the betterment of your parents.

Letting the subject brew and continuation of silence can lead to a number of problems. The conflict between adult children regarding their inheritance is among various others. After the parents are gone, there is no one to help them understand why somebody is getting what they left them.

Secondly, too many people in the U.S. pass away without clarifying their last wishes. The lack of financial planning and instructions can cause strain on everyone the parents leave behind to pick up the pieces.

In addition to that, children and loved ones are left scrambling to collect documents and go through the probate process while trying to cope with the grief and maintaining a work-life balance.

On top of that, they will be left to make funeral arrangements (or medical decisions in case of incapacity). This may cause further disagreements among siblings and create irreparable differences regarding the parent’s wishes.

With all of that taken into consideration, it’s quite clear why it’s important to bring up the topic of estate planning even though it is an uncomfortable conversation. The barriers to discussing estate planning in Manhattan may be difficult to surmount but it is doable.

Here are a few tips you can use.
You will need a lot of Patience

If you have older parents, you might have already learned this particular tip. Whether it’s teaching them how to use the iPad or helping them understand that Facebook walls are not for posting embarrassing personal anecdotes, patients in the name of the game with parents.

This is a sensitive topic and will test your patience to the max. It’s likely going to be an ongoing conversation and they will need some time to understand. You can take advice from an estate planning lawyer in Manhattan to help you understand how you can explain basic concepts. Take that information and share it with them little by little.
Be honest

Yes, as cheesy as it may sound but estate planning in Manhattan is a topic where complete honesty and transparency are important. Here honesty just doesn’t involve you and your parent(s). Include your siblings in the conversation so it doesn’t seem like you were being secretive and go behind their backs.

Remember, your aim is to inform and find out what your parents think about estate planning. You want to understand their wishes without any strings attached. This way, you and your siblings will be in a better position to fulfill their wishes.
Focus on them and listen carefully

The whole point of discussing estate planning in Manhattan is so your parents can set their affairs in order and be at peace knowing they have communicated their wishes to you.

Make it clear that you will feel gutted if you are left guessing as to their wishes. You want to do right by them, whether it’s distributing the estate, making funeral arrangements or gifting to charities.

You may want to do all the talking, especially if your parents aren’t well-versed with estate planning. But leave the technical details for a later time and divert your focus to understand what they are saying.

Empathize with them. Sentences like “I know you might be feeling confused about all this because you worry how we’ll react. But we are here to listen and be respectful of whatever you have to say.”

Get that sentiment across so they don’t feel like they are being forced or coerced into something. It will translate into creating a safe and respectful space for them to communicate.
Request the meeting now than never

Taking on difficult subjects with parents is never easy. But they are your parents and you can make it work. It about being respectful and giving them their space to make decisions. You can take help from an estate planning lawyer in Manhattan and guide the conversation to an area that benefits your parents.

It better you have the conversation now than never and suffer consequences when they are not here.